Niel Breen Supreme

I think we’re all familiar with the genre of ‘so bad that it’s good’ movies. A film that manages to do so makes so many terrible choices, that it becomes a hilarious riot. This is a movie that manages to not only make bad choices, but it makes them at places you didn’t even think was possible. null

Meet Neil Breen, or god, the new flavor of terribly amazing movies. Never before have I seen such perseverance, such beauty, such magnificent trash shown on screen before. This scene alone should give you a taste of what I’m talking about:

Believe me, it doesn’t make sense with context either. But the genius (or Breeneus) of Neil Breen doesn’t stop there. His 3rd movie, Fateful Findings, amazingly enough, doesn’t have a single scene in it that didn’t have an amazing amount of wrong.


The movie starts with a 2 friends, a little boy and a little girl. They bury a locket in the ground, the boy gets superpowers, and the girl moves away. He grows up to be a writer, and a hacker who’s encrypting government secrets. He later reunites with his childhood friend, who his pil-addicted wife suspects that he’s having an affair with. Also his neighbors take up a considerable amount of screen time. Anyway, will Neil Breen reveal those giant government secrets, convince his wife he’s not having an affair, and fix his neighbors relationship? Or not?

Sorry, just gotta wipe some blood off my nose, trying to describe the plotlines of this movie was so exBreenly difficult, I got a Breen, err, I mean brain aneurysm. You might think that although written down the movie script seems extremely convoluted, it must translate better on film. I can assure you that it does not.

But the power of Breen’s filmmaking isn’t just kept to convoluted “plotlines”. His profession at being unprofessional transfers to all acts of filmmaking. The camera closes in on the faces too often without reason, nullalmost all of the scenes take place at different locations yet were obviously filmed at Neil Breen’s house, the music is generic stock, and whenever one of the characters try to do a basic movement or activity, they always find a way to fail at it.

And that’s what makes Fateful Findings one of the most hilarious movies I’ve ever seen. If you liked the Room, see it. If you’re a fan of terribly amazing movies in general, see it. If you want a movie that has coherent plot lines, character movement, and dialogue, or a movie that’s at least decent, don’t watch it. But for the rest of you, this movie would likely be too opbreen, I mean obscene for you to handle.null

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