By Eden Pearl
Something of an introduction to a rant/self help book in the form of a blog post, written by a teenager to evoke the feelings of companionship & understanding/An Attempt to replicate a blogger
Mornings are never the same. I’ve often wanted desperately that bleeding, beautifully scheduled monotony, but it was never destined for me. Boredom is the least of my problems. Boredom is a lovely feeling, as when I experience boredom I know that there are no hidden worries under the doorstep. When I’m bored, I’m not scared (I can think of three times I’ve felt genuine fear, There are few feelings as safe as boredom). Happy is wonderfully painted but it’s destined to end. I’m not nihilistic; I think everything matters. For those that are lucky enough to have monotony; I am pleased for you. You’ve accomplished what I’ve always pleaded with myself to achieve. However, if your boredom is crushing, crushing your feet and back of your neck, I’m afraid that’s not quite boredom anymore. We may have a bigger problem than I have a solution for. And why shouldn’t you bite off more than you can chew? If you feel good enough where you want to take that risk, and it’s not something bubbling up from your throat simmering in the back of every moment you know, then be wary. If you’re looking for something to make you happy, I don’t have an answer for you. Nothing can make you happy. But, see, again, there are people who seem to have found relief in their god or gods or goddesses which can be a way to start progress towards happiness. But it isn’t the god that makes you happy, it’s the stories and teachings that teach you to take care of yourself. When people finally get happy, they thank god, which is perfectly alright, no problem. All to them. When people start taking care of themselves, their life changes. Now, I do not mean this with the intent of “go take a bubble bath and get over it”. We all know that’s bull. If you want to feel okay enough to spend your free time, to use your free time well enough to learn guitar, there is a different way to go about it. Most people want to do things. It’s hard to do things. What I realized, (actually just now, maybe this will be edited out later) is that no matter how much you want to pack your schedule, fill your day with tennis and language and school and music, you can’t do it all at one. There’s a reason New Year’s resolutions or fad diet plans don’t go out the way you want them too. Because no matter how much planning you do, your plan for yourself will always be out of reach. If you are someone who takes tennis and ballet and swims competitively while simultaneously competing with the top minds in the nation, you’re either someone being forced to do these things or you have your life together. Polar opposites. If you’re really being controlled, you’re not happy. You can be happy, but most of your days have some sort of cloud over them, whether it be the raining or snowing or hailing type. If you don’t really relate to any of these things, that’s absolutely fine! People like different things; you’re not expected to like everything. But maybe this is not for people who are looking for a quick answer on how to feel good this second. I suppose this is written for those mentally ill, depressed, anxiety-ridden, or people with problems that won’t go away. I’m not here to tell you how to live your life, but I kind of am, however, most importantly, you don’t have to listen to me. Do with my thoughts what you will.
Signing off, a teenager constantly searching for answers
(I’ve written about nothing here)